Why is there a sense of need in belittling the “opposing” side?

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I have observed this type of situation for a while, and I was also once guilty of doing this, until I asked myself, “why?”. Why must we belittle other situations to make our situation seem the better choice? Or even worse, why belittle other people to make ourselves feel superior?

For example, I am part of the itty bitty titty committee (not literally, there is no such committee, but I am on the smaller chested side), and some of my friends felt the same way about themselves. For such a long time whenever we would feel down about it, we would cheer each other up by jokingly mentioning all the negative things about having larger breasts. It’s not like we were attacking specific people, or trying to belittle the women attached to those breasts, we were just talking about the large breasts without taking into consideration they are attached to a woman that also has feeling and could not be happy with her breasts the same way we are not. I never put much thought into it, I just knew that during those times it did make me feel a bit better reminding myself why I shouldn’t want to have large breasts.

I’m not sure how I came to realize what a greater impact these comments could be having as a whole. I just started thinking about why I was falling into the routine of listing negatives and comparing my chest to others. Then I looked around me, and it was happening everywhere. Heavy women making negative comments about skinny women such as, “bones are for dogs.”, skinny women also making comments about heavier women, people justifying their decisions by belittling the decisions of others, etc. I became overwhelmed with negativity. The only positive was that they were making themselves feel better, but at what cost? To the cost that this has become a trend, and it’s normal for everyone, they don’t put thought into it and they don’t realize they’re getting trapped in a vicious circle of negativity. Even skinny women are not making those comments directly to heavier women, they become aware of those comments regardless. And that’s the same with anyone else, everyone one way or another finds out about how others view their body, appearance, decisions, or lifestyle negatively. And this habit has also somehow made some people believe it’s OK to make these comments directly to people, not keeping it within themselves anymore, they want to make it public.

Why not feel better about something without resorting to negativity or bashing of others? Because it’s easier to find the negatives of others, than to find the positives of yourself or the situation you are in. When looking for positives, it’s something you really have to sit down and think about. And it can be tricky, because sometimes it feels like you are mentioning positives when you say something negative about someone else, because that makes it a plus one for you, but it’s important to really look at how we word things. So for example, instead of saying something negative about being heavy chested to make small chests seem more acceptable, we need to just need to already make small breasts acceptable and something positive without belittling big breasts! There does not need to be a comparison, we do not need to come up with negatives of each side, we just need to LOVE what we have just because it’s a part of us, not because it’s “worse” to have one thing over the other. I think this way of thinking will really have a strong impact on how everyone views themselves and the situations they are in. Right now it feels like everyone is in a competition with how many negative things they can come up about the “opposite team”, someone with opposite characteristics as themselves. But if that stopped, if trying to find negatives about people stopped, then that would create a chain reaction to having no need to do that anymore. If there wasn’t so many negative things said about having small breasts, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to come up with negatives about heavy chests to try to make it “even” or make it “better”.

Now I don’t do that anymore. I am in a journey to love myself just because I want to be happy, not comparing myself to others, not being a part of that negative circle of comments anymore. If you’re at the store and you’re trying to pick between two products, list as many positives as you can about a product, instead of listing the negatives, because it’s small things like that that can reflect how we see other situations. I know first hand for a long time I was a “negative Nancy” without realizing it, because I acted like a happy friendly person to others, but it was always easier for me to list negatives about something when it came to making decisions. Now I am a strong believer in positivity, and I am much happier now. My attitude towards others has still been the same, respectful and friendly, but I did not realize how much my view in life in general would change after changing these negative thinking habits.

I really encourage everyone reading this to try to catch yourself thinking something negative, whether it’s when you need to make a decision in a certain situation, choose between two objects, or feel better about yourself when comparing yourself to others. Then, if you’re up for the challenge, stop yourself from doing that each time.

The more positive thoughts you have and surround yourself with, the happier you will be.

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