Why is it so difficult to make friends of the same gender?

Friendship is as beautiful as nature

I’ve always had more trouble making friends of the same gender (females) than it is with the opposite gender. I look around me, and I notice that most of my friends do indeed have more friends of one gender than the other. Do you experience the same situation? Could it be a sense of competition within the same gender, which makes it difficult to understand if the other person is just seeking a friendship, or has ulterior motives? For some of the females in my area, I know that second assumption could possibly  be true for them. Living in a small town, there is usually rumors, drama, and rivalry between some females (talking college level adults here), and I do notice some of them a little hostile against meeting new females in public places because they just don’t know if that  person could be associated with their “enemy”. Sounds silly, right? and I just don’t understand that kind of thinking.

Sure, sometimes I can get a conversation started, and keep it going if I keep seeing that same female (for instance, in a classroom setting). But it just doesn’t go beyond that to an actual friendship. With most males, it’s usually fairly easy. They can keep a conversation going for quite a while (Could it be that they are more confident because they are not worried about if their makeup has smudged and the other girl is criticizing them about it in her head?), and it just feels like they are doing their part to start a friendship and it’s not just a one-way attempt to be friends with someone. And no, these instances have not lead to the male having a hidden agenda of trying to score a date, those times have really lead to just a friendship, even if it ends up dyeing out after some months or years (ie. loss of interests, distance, etc.).

So, having been through this quite a lot, as expected, I lack female friends. Sure, I have acquaintances that are females, and those Facebook female friends that will write happy birthday on your wall once a year, but aside from that I literally just have one female friend whom I truly consider a friend (who wouldn’t after 13 years of friendship?). Nothing wrong with just having one girl to hangout with, but when both of your schedules get arranged in an opposite manner and you are no longer able to see each other more than once every two months, having other female friends does come in handy. From just being able to talk to another female, to going shopping or going to get our nails done, it’s just not something I can do with guy friends. So what has this lead to? I think i’ve become less social, and I’ve turned to video games and doing hobbies that only require one person, me! I know this is maybe not the right choice, I should be putting myself out there and be social, because I think we all need human interaction to practice our social skills. I’m just not very good at that anymore, and I don’t really know where to start.

In high school it was so much easier because you see the same people everyday, everyone eats together, and everyone tries to find someone to sit with at the cafeteria. I would sit with about six other girls, and we all became good friends with each other at the time, but we didn’t quite know how it even started.

As for joining clubs where I can share the same interest with others, well I have yet to find one. Most of the clubs I know of in my area are of sports or some kind of physical activity like dancing. Having muscular dystrophy prevents me from being able to do that kind of physical activity, so I stay away from those. There used to be an anime club in my college, and although I occasionally enjoy anime, it was never a huge hobby or interest of mine. I used to take a student body government class during my first semester of college, and I did get to meet a lot of people, and maybe if I would have stuck around the next semester in it I could have made friends (the first semester it was more of making acquaintances), but as the semesters passed it was just more and more difficult being able to take that class because it didn’t fit in with my schedule. I am also only able to take two or three classes a day depending on their length because sitting down for long periods of time causes my sciatica pain to act up. So there goes my chances of taking a photography class. I have always wanted to take the photography class offered at my community college, but the downside is that it lasts about four or five hours, and I don’t know how my body would react to that much time.

I guess only time will tell, and eventually I’ll figure out how to make new female friends.

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One thought on “Why is it so difficult to make friends of the same gender?

  1. I read through the whole post you wrote and I’m surprised there is another person out there with the same problem as I do. I always figured it was either because I was raised in the woods with three brothers, making me a tomboy. Or it’s because I was always taught to treat woman of any age like a lady, so I always held doors open and stuff which I guess weirds them out. Some even think I’m homosexual or bisexual, which there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m for sure heterosexual. I don’t know, I just feel like I can never have a female friend unless she’s more male than female.

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